My Love
by Jade Crimson Tears
Summary: Tabloidshipping. When the singer's gone, let the song go on. It's a fine line between the darkness and the dawn. They say the darkest night, there's a light beyond. I love you, and that's all I know. - Art Garfunkel. Kaiba x Mokuba


My Love

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**_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yugioh_**

_**Warning: rated for character death**_

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My love,

I love you, Mokuba. I love everything about you, all so much, and that is all that I know. I love to see the sparkle in your eyes as you smile. I love to hear the laughter in your voice as you speak. I love to feel the light in your soul. You are my love, my world. Do you know that you are my God?

Yet none of the above changes the fact that I have no lifeline, that I am a mistake, a never meant-to-be. That I also love death, always have and always will, that in the end I will have to choose between the two of you. The simple fact that I am anything but fine, and I know that it is not all right, and I know that it will never be alright.

I am obsessed with the idea of dying, and it is not because I do not love you enough, or that you did not do enough. I do not know what is not enough, never mean to base my so-called happiness on your pain. It hurts you to see me like this, and I hate hurting you like this, and then I hate and hurt myself even more and the cycle just goes on and on.

You wish that I do not wish that I was dead, for every second of every minute of every hour of every day. It must wound you so, my constant death wishing, but I keep on wishing desperately all the same. The ironic thing is, the only thing I am good at, the only God damn thing I did right in my hell of a life, was to give a damn about you, and when I feel like dying…

Yes, I am a bastard like that. But what is there to do when one is dying, when you are only delaying the inevitable? Nobody asked if I wanted a say in the matter, whether to accept the gift of life, pounded into me no less. I am still here, that itself must mean something, like maybe my love for you weighs more than my hate for life.

I close my eyes, hold my breath and ask you the questions I ask myself if I was really to go. Would you be lost like a part of you has been broken or would you move on? Would you weep for days and nights on end? Would you feel every negative emotion there is to experience? Would it be the same as taking your life as I take my own?

You cup my cheek and tell me that it is okay, whichever path I choose to take, because every breath I breathed on earth is living proof of my love for you, because for you that is enough. You kiss me on the lips because you do not know what else to do or say. You wonder if both of us are fucked up and insane. Do you know you have the gift to make a monster feel beautiful?

I will fight for you kiddo, fight this until I am dead, until it kills me. Remember that I live on one way or another, forever in your heart, as long as you hold onto life. Although I am not entitled nor do I have the right, this is the only thing I ask of you. Survive my death, do what I can never do, come prove me wrong and be a better man.

Let me indulge in my selfishness just this once, as you give me your blessing. I turn away from you even if I long to see you for one more time. I am afraid that if I do, I will not be able to do this. I raise the loaded gun to my head, hear you cry out and my tears begin to fall. You will be what I miss.

Take care of yourself for me. You are destined to soar in the sun like the angel that you are while I reside in ghostly shadows. You are a naked flame, fiery hot, beautiful and alive, and I am the snow on the windowsill, ice cold, pristine and dead. Complementary as we are, and destined to be this way. We belong to different worlds.

Bang- a suicidal dream come true, and I hear you scream my name as I fall into your arms. You scream that you cannot do this, pretend to be a hero for me to become a martyr of love. You scream that you do not release me from my promise, but it is all too late for that now. Dry your eyes, keep that chin up and be strong. You are a Kaiba after all, you will be alright without me.

Maybe next lifetime, we are to be brothers again. Until then, not even death do us part, because no two people in the universe have loved each other the way we did, have been loved by each other the way we did, have made love to each other the way we did. I do not know how much this love is worth, all I know is that it will see us through in death.

I love you Mokuba. Forever and always.


End file.
